Lose the Mask

Good morning Bloggers,

For some reason, I can't post any comments on my posts or any other bloggers posts.  It's driving me nuts.  Does anyone have a solution to this?

As I look back on 2015, I think of how far along I've come.

I remember having my last drunk.  I remember having my last few drunks and thinking "I'm done with this shit".   I remember thinking of how shitty I felt all of the time.  I was sick.... physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

When I reflect on my first post, last January, I see how exhausted I was.  All I ever wanted was for this cycle to stop.  And, after trying to quit for 7 years, I'm able to say I'm at a good place in sobriety.  Don't get me wrong, that little guy is still on my shoulders, trying to fuck it up for me.  But, if I would have know how amazing it feels to be this free, I would have worked that much harder the first time I gave it a go.

I remember seeing the following image on Instagram.   My first thought was....hmmmm.... Do I Wear a Mask?   Do I only show people what they want to see in order to feel better about myself.

I think I was drawn to it because the truth was I was hiding.  I only showed people what they wanted to see. I was so oblivious, so lost, and in such a dark place.  I drank to become a different person.  People thought I had it all together, but on the inside I was scared, lost and just forgotten.  I drank to feel good about myself.  I drank to love life and laugh and have fun.  I drank to forget about all of the fucking problems in the world.  I drank to forget who I was.  My mask was huge!!   At times, I didn't even know who I was!

You see, this is what I discovered.  That little woman that drank every single day of her life for the last umpteen years to numb the pain, forget who she was and just live life in the fog wasn't ever true to herself!  She covered MY true identity!  What a friggen discovery!!

How did I discover that?

I had to get sober.   I had to stop drinking and hiding behind the mask.  I had to stop drinking to see that alcohol helped me become that other woman.  A scared, strong, independent, confident, I don't give a fuck woman who thought she had this thing all figured out.   But, in reality, she didn't.  Oh!  Everyone thought she had it all figured out, didn't they?  But, she was a lost soul, living inside a body, a vessel and she was living the motions of life, not really taking anything in....not being present or in the moment.  She didn't know how to live or appreciate the small gifts that came along her way.
 She was oblivious to what life had to offer.

....and in the midst of fighting off this little guy who wants me to drink on a daily basis, I am finding me.  I am finding out WHO I AM.

Me (Aug 2015)  "Find Yourself"

I am so much more than I ever imagined.  I am love.  I am free.

That was my new beginning.  I knew that mask was on tight.  I knew I wanted to be a healthier woman.  I knew I wanted to be good to myself.  I knew I had to discover who I was.

I'm doing it one day at a time.  One moment at a time.

Are you ready to lose the mask?  Are you ready for truth?

Sober Mommy