My Sober Christmas!

I survived Christmas at mom and dad's.  God (myHP) was there with me, I just know it.

Did I want to drink and join in on the fun and laughs and pure oblivion?  Fuck yeah. I did!  Resistance to the temptation of wanting to drink was hard as shit!

I had to step out of myself for a few minutes here and there to remind myself that having a drink or more, definitely more, wouldn't have brought me that happiness I so crave and want from alcohol for long.  I would have hated myself I think.  I've come such a long way and I like being sober.  I really like it.

I like who I've become.  I like the me that I am.  I am fun and loving.  I can run around and chase kids without drinking.  I can sing and dance and make people laugh.  I can also be quiet.  I can read.  I can rest.  I can enjoy the moment.  I can just be me.  I do the best I can with what I have and what I know.

During the night, as the wine and beer were being poured, I watched.  I had little mini urges to drink but nothing worth writing about.   OK.  Some of them were huge!  It sucked to have a craving for something and not pick it up.  Also, a big part of me sat there for a few minutes and thought, <<holy crap, I just don't fit in anymore>>.  I was also so worried that they'd of thought I was a boring sober old lady.... but I wasn't.   I did all the things I did when I was drinking.   At one point, my Kelly came in for a very close hug, and I knew that she was checking for an alcohol smell on my breath.  And I got some good sleep.  Fucking great sleep actually.   I also got to wake up early, enjoy my coffee and watch the birds out my parents backyard, facing the lake.  Really watch the birds.   I got to see my kids laugh and hug me and say "I'm really proud of you mom". "I love you so much".

It's Christmas Eve.  We had a quiet night, just me and 2 of my children.  My older son is 2500 miles away, in a different province.  I miss him dearly.  We had a turkey dinner tonight, played games and snuggled to a great movie.  It was quiet.  It was perfect.  I get to sleep like a baby and wake up feeling like a champ!  This is my first sober Christmas Eve and tomorrow will be the first time in years that I could wake up without feeling shitty on Christmas morning.  I look forward to coffee, children's smiles, and a lot of love, health and happiness.

Merry Christmas.

Sober Mommy