...on AA

To be honest, walking into the AA rooms was the hardest thing I've ever done. 

I'm a teacher in a small community so my biggest fear came true when I walked into my first meeting, and a parent of a child I'm teaching was sitting right there..... first one to see me walk in.  I crawled into my own skin and thought I was going to die.   I sat there and listened to everyone speak.  I spoke too.  And cried.  To be honest I thought.... Hell with this....  I want what these people have.  They laughed.  They talked.  They prayed.  They had the freedom and serenity I wanted.  I felt it in that room!  

I had only been sober a couple of weeks and a few people came to me to give me their numbers.  I also go a lot of "real" loving hugs and for the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere. 

One of the old-times said that my "meltdown" when I spoke helped him in his recovery because he remembered all too well how easy it is to get sucked back into the vicious cycle of drinking.  

I decided from that day on that... if my stories and words can help one person heal in some way, then that's exactly where I belong.  I usually go into a meeting, not wanting to speak, but when that little piece of paper comes to me, so much comes pouring out.  Sometimes, I'm not even sure if I'm making sense.  

I'm done living in fear.  Fear is not in control of my life anymore.  I needed the hugs.  I needed people in my life who I can relate to.  I love the blogging world.  It keeps me sober too.  But, nothing beats walking into a room full of loving people in recovery.  Nothing beats that!  I even get hugs from my student's father.

I wouldn't change it for the world.  

Hugs to you.... wish it were a great big "real" one!!