...on Gifts of Imperfection

I'm realizing, while on this sober journey, that I'm not perfect.   Honestly, don't laugh here, but I thought I was for the longest time.  Was it the alcohol that made me feel like I could conquer the world?  Did it really have that much power over me?  Boy, do I ever need validation from others to make me feel good about myself!  I'm sober.  I don't have booze to give me that confidence, I don't give a shit attitude, or numbing of my feelings stuff anymore....and it's tough!

I'm thinking of taking a course by Brene Brown on her book The Gifts of Imperfection.  It's been calling me.  I downloaded the ebook yesterday and am ready to start working on this new person....this new sober person.  Here is a quote I read from the first chapter....

The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.

I had to dig very deep and make the conscious choice to believe- to believe in myself and the possibility of living a different life.

Good stuff eh!  Well, I am ready to dig deep!  I've been ready for a while.  It's time for me to figure this thing out....alcohol free!  I'm not going down that route anymore, that I know for sure!  Here's a link to her class.... I will start up next week.  If anyone wants to join me, it would be so great!!  More fun to do stuff with a friend and chat about it......  send me an email!  Sign Up for e-course here

I also started something fun. and self-loving yesterday!  I downloaded an App last year called "Loving You".  The purpose of the App was to meet someone special and journal our time together....ya know....at the beginning when everything is beautiful and exciting.  Well, I haven't met someone special yet, I haven't really had time to date much, and besides that I'm still debating on getting back together with my ex-hubby or not.   I feel like I've been waiting for the love of my life to come into my life and "fix" me...  make me happy and fulfilled.  I've been waiting for five years!  I've wondered why God hasn't sent me my soulmate yet....

Anyhow, I'm using the App for ME!  I'm taking a selfie of myself for 30 days and I will write something about me that I love!  I will write something that I'm grateful for in my life....  It's time to change these crazy negative thoughts I have about myself and start loving ME!

I really think I've been alone for so long because God wants me to learn to love "me" first.  The person that is right here, in this body.....and has been here all along.  I've been lost but I'm finding my way out.....

A friend sent me this huge message yesterday....

Gosh, when you have alcohol in  your life, it's impossible to deeply know truths about yourself and who you really are.  You really can't heal or see reality for what it is.  I'm healing.  I'm learning to love myself.  One step at a time....even if they're tiny ones.