...on Spirituality

You may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.

                                                                      (Big Book, P. 44, 4th edition)

The main objective of the big book is to help us find a Power greater than ourselves which will solve our problems.   Most of us, hoped for so long that we were not true alcoholics.   We made excuses.  We tried moderation.  We refused to be honest with ourselves, and this lead us to destructive behaviours.... and unhealthy lifestyles.

I've learned that there are many types of alcoholics.  There are those who binge drink, weekend drinkers, everyday drinkers, closet drinkers, moderation ones, social ones, lonely drinkers, angry drinkers, happy drunks, and then there's me.... just a happy-go-lucky drinker that got sick of getting sick.  I was sick of loosing sleep.  I was sick of trying to hide my booze breath.  I was broke.  I was bloated.  I was hungover, one too many times.  I fell.  I banged my head and body around.  I was loud and annoying.  I was oblivious.  I was sick of being sick and tired.

It doesn't matter what kind of drinker you are.  If you don't feel good about what you're doing, then you may have to be honest with yourself and make the necessary changes to live a better lifestyle!  You have to take action!  You're the only one that can make the changes.  You have to discover the truth about who you really are..... and, the only way to do this, is to have a spiritual experience!

How do you have a spiritual experience?  I'm sure everyone's story is different but this is my experience.  I'm sharing in hopes to help another alcoholic find her/his way out.

1.  You pray.  

I prayed this prayer for one week before I quit drinking and I continue to pray it every time I have sudden urges to pick up a drink!

                
2.  You change your thoughts and break away from old habits.

I realized that I am not my thoughts.  I am someone greater than them.  My name is Jen, but that is not who I am.  I am a single mom, but that is not who I am.  I have started having experiences with myself on such a deeper level through stillness and calmness.  I listen more.  I see more.  I have become an observer of my thoughts instead of being involved with them.

Before I got sober, my thoughts were like wild horses running crazily through the forest, from one end of the spectrum to the other.  There was never any calmness.  Life was chaotic.  My thoughts were chaotic.  I had to learn to "tame" the wild horse.  I literally took my thoughts and visualized them going down a trail in the forest, like a tamed horse would.  I learned to keep my thoughts on the straight and narrow path.  What a life changing experience this has been for me!   If  you don't think you have the power to control your thoughts, try this exercise.  I got it from Oprah.  
Close your eyes and think of a red triangle.   Then a yellow banana.  Then a blue jay.  Think of those three objects for 5 seconds each. 

Were you able to think of them?  Then, you controlled your thoughts!  

I learned to sit in stillness and be the observer of my thoughts.  When they'd tell me to do something different than what the real me wanted to experience, I didn't listen.  I broke away from old habits.  I changed friends (easily when you join an AA group).  I drank a lot of water....iced cold water.   When I drank this, I felt it go down my oesophagus and stomach and felt my cell in my body dancing and detoxifying.  I started running, eating healthy, and started feeling alive again, after all these years of not feeling anything .....really.

3.  You read.

I read, and read, and read....as much as I could.  I was told about great books to read, and I listened.  Everything I read, I applied to my life.  I listened to the little whispers and life messages that I could take from the readings.  "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer changed my life.   I will add a tab at the top of my blog of all of the great books I've read.  I think it will be helpful to many.

4.  You live every day in Love and Acceptance.

I decided that every morning I would accept and love whatever comes my way that day.  I say "God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.  Amen."  I tell Him that I surrender and understand that whatever comes my way, is there for a reason.  I take it all in, accept it (some things are easier than others) and try to find joy and love out of everything.  I look at people differently now.  I look at people in a whole new way.   Most people are doing the best the can, with what they know.  ...so why not accept that.  I avoid the negative ones, that will affect my mood but I accept that that's who they are.  I love everyone.  I don't assume anymore.  I don't take things personally as much.  I do my best and I am careful with my words.  The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz was another great read...short and sweet!

5.  You make choices.

We are so empowered!  We are given the ability to choose!  We are given the ability to make choices that will heal us.  I read this quote from the Internet and saved it to my phone a few months ago:  

You have a choice.  Between B (birth) and D (death) there is C (choice).  We can't create or destroy energy but we can transform it.  We have a choice either to transform our negative energy into positive energy....to live with peace and happiness or we can allow it to destroy us mentally and physically.  We struggle with negative thoughts and wish they would end not realizing that the choice and power to transform them to positive thoughts lies in our own mind.

I make a choice everyday!  I choose to live my life very differently than I did 6 months ago!  I love waking up and feeling alive and healthy!  I am grateful for all that I have!   I choose to live in love and happiness.  I choose happiness.  I choose to live a healthy lifestyle.  I choose to be the best I can be.  I choose to not drink!  It's a choice.  A daily choice.  One day at a time.

My morning line:  EVERYTHING I NEED SHALL BE PROVIDED TODAY!

6.  You let yourself heal.

This was a big one for me.  I had to realize that being sober isn't just about not drinking anymore.  It's about feeling the feelings that come along on a daily basis.  "Feeling" the feelings.  ...anger, sadness, insecurities, loneliness, joy, content, fear.... I can't numb them anymore so I have to feel.... I have to feel them and let them pass through me.  I had to stop holding on the these feelings because they would get stuck, right at the bottom of my gut and I lived with them on a daily basis.  I drank to numb the feelings.  I drank to numb the pain.  Now, I don't drink so I have to feel the feelings.   It's not easy at times and it definitely takes some getting use to.  I had to heal a lot of the pain I felt from my past experiences and let them go.  It takes a lot of work, on a daily basis.  I sleep more.  I allow myself to cry.   I accept how I feel.  But, I don't drink to avoid them anymore.  I'm healing.  I'm accepting.  I'm letting go.  Today, I'm conscious!  I'm aware of the feelings.  I let them flow through me and I let them all go.  I give them all away to my Higher Power.  On a daily basis.  I let them go.   Why do I want to hang on to all of that?  Nonsense!  Our past does not define who we are today.  They are just experiences that brought us here.  We take the lessons from those past experiences and learn from the ones we want to learn from. 

We can choose to 

-let them go and be at peace     or 

-hold on to them and live in fear.  

We have that choice!   It's time to heal, isn't it?  Find a bowl, put the past in it, lift it up to your higher power, and ask him to release you from these burdens!  Try it!  You have nothing to lose!!

Getting sober is probably one of the hardest things I have done in my life.  It isn't easy and there are still times where I wonder if I'll be able to do it forever!  Our world is surrounded with alcohol and people that drink.  People, places and things......  = alcohol.  We will always have an excuse to drink....or a "good" reason to get sloshed.  Always.  When we believe this, our horse is running wild and our ego head is in control.  Find your inner self.  Let it be in control.

When we stop listening to our thoughts, we can find the power within us to fight off the demons of addiction and find the spiritual experiences we are all searching for.  They are all within us already!   Sit in stillness, tame the horse and you will hear it... you will feel it.... you will see it......you will experience it.....