I'm struggling with a huge decision in my life. My ex-husband wants desperately to get back together. We've been separated/divorced for over 5 years now and he still wants nothing more than getting this family into one unit. I'm torn about my decision.
I love my children more than anything in the world. Whenever they go to their fathers, this terrible sense of guilt and shame sweeps over me. I still have such a huge sense of separation anxiety when my children are not with me.... after all these years. They still struggle with going back and forth and their hurt and pain haunts me. I heard many people say...."they'll be okay, you need a break, they'll bounce back, it's part of life", but the fact is....my kids hurt. What mother wants to see their children hurt?
My ex and I have tried several times to rekindle our relationship. I have huge doubts about getting back together because I'm afraid that I'll lose my sense of calmness and spirituality. Heck, I already feel like I'm falling apart....and we are just talking. I know he's made changes and I know he's trying really hard to be kinder and calmer but I still see the old Steve that I didn't like in the past....and that scares me.
I've tried to surrender and pray and ask God to guide me in my decision. I've tried to let go and live in hopes to find answers but nothing is clear. Nothing.
I sometimes wonder if I even know how to have a relationship anymore. Now that I'm sober, I'm sure things would be different. Do I expect too much? How do I know if he's the man I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with? Maybe, I'm supposed to help him find this sense of peace and serenity?
God put us together for a reason. We've created two wonderful, beautiful masterpieces together. I'm so grateful for that!
Oh man this IS a big decision!!! Wow.
ReplyDeleteDo you think he's open to counseling? Or have you guys already been down that path? I don't know - I wish I had a magic wand to help you through this. I'll be praying that you get the guidance you need to help you through this.
Sherry
Thank you Sherry. I'm sure my answers will come soon.... xo
DeleteDear SM,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sherry.
This is something that a therapist might help you with. Or do you have a pastor that can help you?
I will keep you in my thoughts, too.
xo
Wendy
Thank you Wendy.... xo
DeleteYikes! Huge decision. Have you tried a family vacation? It'd be a good way of 'testing the water' without promising anything to the kids.....Sending hugs and strength. Other SM x
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