...Mrs. L

Last night, at the meeting, a newbie came through the doors.  I'll call her Mrs. L.   She looked so lost, so confused, so scared.  Walking through the doors of AA is probably one of the hardest things a person can do.

I remember all of my "first" days I walked into the doors of AA......the first time in 2007.  Then in 2012.  Then in 2014, my latest attempt at getting sober.  It doesn't matter how many times I have trodded through those rooms for the "first" time, it was the always one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Pride sets in.  We become ashamed of the fact that we are weak and lost and unhealthy and confused.  We are embarrassed for being a drunken mess.  We are worried someone will hear our story.  After all, society tells us that we are supposed to have our shit together every second of every day!  Society!  What the hell do they know?

We ask ourselves big questions.  We try to seek answers.  Am I really an alcoholic?  Am I even half as bad as these peoples?  Is this where I belong?  What will they think of me?  Can I really stop drinking for the rest of my life?  I can read these questions all over Mrs. L's face.  I remember them ...oh so clearly... on mine as well.

Watching Mrs. L. share a part of her life with the group helped me remember why I don't want to go back there.  I love being free from the demon that carried my soul for so many years.  My soul is free!  I can wake up in the morning and live my life.....  like I mean really live it!  See things.  Hear things.  Laugh.  Cry.  Feel.  Sleep.  Smile.  All of it!  I'm friggen free and I am so very grateful for this gift!  New friends!  New family!  New life!

At the end of the meeting I hugged Mrs. L.   I gave her my number and the list of meetings I attend.  She asked me to be her sponsor.  I told her I wasn't ready for that yet.  I'm still learning to love myself and I'm still learning to live on life's terms.  But, I did tell her that I'd be her friend and that she could call me anytime.  I hope she calls.  I hope she sees how amazing life can be through the sparkle in my eyes.

I wish I could stop Mrs. L. from picking up a drink tonight or tomorrow night or the next night.  I wish I could tell her that her life will be so amazing if she'd just come to meetings, read the big book, pray, breathe and live without the booze.  I wish I could hold her and tell her that life is so amazing when we are set free from the demon.

I will pray for Mrs L.  I pray that God will help her find her way and give her the strength she needs to live without the burden of alcohol on her mind.

Dear God,
With this prayer, I call to mind my friend.
I ask for Your blessing on her.
May angels fill her nights and bless her days.
May she find joy and peace and harmony.
May I be a source of happiness in her life.
May she always know that in me, she has support.
Thank you, God. 
Amen.

Sober Mommy