,,,I Remember.

It doesn't cease to amaze me.  The power alcohol has over my life.

I seem to have all the tools I need to stay sober one moment, and in a blink of an eye, they all disappear.  

Something happens to me when someone or something makes me feel uncomfortable.  I get this overwhelming fear and sense of anxiety and I feel like the insides of my chest is notting up uncontrollably.  

I forget about all the tools that I've found over the last two months.  Tools such as the Serenity Prayer,  the Big Book, the meetings, the blog, the peace and serenity, the prayers, the gratitude, the new sober friends, my sponsor, the freedom.  

I forget about all the great things that have happened to me since I picked up my last drink and I want to go back there.  

And, in all the cuffufle of my crazy ass days, lately, I somehow manage to find myself sitting at a meeting, listening to the whispers and remembering why I'm here in the first place.  The moment I walk into the room of AA, I feel love, support, kindness and compassion.  

And then, I remember. 

When the young 24 year old talks about the crazy hangovers he had and spending all his Saturdays in bed because he was too sick to move.... I remember.

When the mom of 3 tells about her story of being the drinking mom that she was....hiding her booze, drinking before driving her kids to their activities... I remember.

When the ole timer talks about drinking on a daily basis and not living his life in the moment or appreciating all the wonderful things in his life.... I remember.

When the young girl, coming out of detox, talks about always wanting more material things in her life and not being grateful for what she has, .....I remember.

When the man talks about saying the Serenity Prayer on a daily basis, because sometimes things are not in our control, and we have to live life on life's terms, instead of trying to control it....I remember.

The point is.... I only feel like I get those Aha moments when I walk into those rooms.   

And,  somehow, something, someone, or some kind of force helps me get into my car at the end of the day, (when all I want is nothing but a drink), and gets me to the place....

...that reminds me of why I got sober in the first place.