....on Prayer

I went to a meeting last night.  It was so very powerful.  I heard the little whispers that were meant for me.

There is so much love and compassion in the rooms.  People struggling.  People living.  Sober people talking about their lives.  Honesty.  Journeys.  Struggles.  Compassion.  Love.  It's all there...in the rooms.

Life is hard.

Sober living is even harder.

Sometimes I wonder how I've made it to over 300 sober days.  Sometimes it doesn't make sense to me.  I went through so many days where the urge to pick up a drink was so powerful.

...so very powerful.

Last night, someone mentioned that he heard another member talk about asking God to remove the burden of the obsession of drinking from him.  The man did not believe it could work for him.  He loved his alcohol so much, that there was no way that God could do this for him!  He lost his faith in God a long long time ago.

You see, this man got desperate.  He lost his wife.  He lost his children.  He became violent.  He became miserable.  He was tired.  He was obsessed.  He cared nothing about anything ....but his next drunk.

So, he decided to go home after he heard the member and do as he did.  He shut all the lights in the room.  He got down on one knee.  He prayed.  He said "God.  If  you did it for Jo, you may be able to do it for me.  Please help me.  Please remove this obsession of wanting to drink from me.  Please help me break this vicious cycle once and for all."

He took his last drink that day.  He's been sober for 20 years.

When I first tried to quit drinking in 2008, I had no tools.  I had no people.  I had no idea how to get sober.  I had to idea how to live life on life's terms!  I struggled for so many years.  .....in and out of drunkenness.   My only way to solve a problem was with a glass of wine......lo and behold....the problem was never solved.   I was miserable.  I was oblivious.  I was numb.  I was always sick.  I remember watching my face age in the mirror on a daily basis, from the lack of sleep and the stress caused by alcohol.

It took me 7 years!   It took me 7 years of trying to break the cycle of alcoholism in my life.  I couldn't do it all alone.   I tried so many times to stop.  I'd wake up in the morning and say, that's it!  I'm done drinking!  By 3 pm, I was in line at the liquor store.

I found a gift.   The gift of sobriety.  It's in those rooms.

God works in mysterious ways.

On December 27th, 2014, I took my last drink.  I was tired of drinking.  I was tired of thinking.  I was tired of thinking about drinking.  I wanted freedom.  I wanted to break this vicious cycle.

I prayed.

This is my prayer.  I hope it helps you today.  Have faith.  Believe.

If it worked for Bill, Jo, and me.....it may just work for you.

Dear God.
I cannot stop drinking.
I have tried.
I have tried so hard.
And still, Lord.  I go back and do it,
though I hate myself for doing it.
I cannot stop. 
I cannot stop.
You, dear Lord, are my refuge and security and strength when I cannot go on.
Please lift me up and share Your strength with me.
Please lift me from this burden, the burden of this addiction, 
the pain of this self-hatred,
the power of this demon within me.
I do not have the power on my own to fight this beast.
But You, dear Lord, You do.
You do.
I praise Your strength, and power and love.
Please give it to me.
Please take away my desire to drink. 
I surrender all.  
I lay myself in Your arms.
Please give me a miracle.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank  you.
Amen.

Miracles happen.  Ask Bill and Jo...

and me.

Sober Mommy