...on Miracles

Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.  -Mao Zedong

When I attended a conference last month, a speaker said "Wait for the miracle to happen"  

I couldn't fully understand what she meant.   I just wanted to drink and numb the shit out of myself so that I could forget about my problems for a day.  

I didn't.

I waited.

A miracle happened!

I didn't drink!

How does this happen when I've used alcohol for the past 35 years of my life when stress comes about?  How does something like this happen when the desire to drink is so strong, that nothing else in the world matters to me?  How does something like this happen to someone that knows no other way of living because she wasn't taught how to live without alcohol all her life?  How does someone go 10 months without an ounce of booze when she doesn't think she could last even one day without it?

I haven't had a drink!  

A miracle happened!  

I waited.

I didn't drink.

Gosh, as I look back on the last 10 months of sobriety, I can only say how truly blessed I am.  I am finally finding myself....after 44 years of being on this Earth.  I am finally discovering the Being that I am.   I am finally deciding that alcohol is NOT going to affect my life anymore and I am finally taking control over my reality!  I am in charge!  I make the choice!  God leads the way....and I follow.

I can't say that I love sober living every single day yet.   It's not easy.  Some days are a heck of a lot better than others.  But, I sure do love the fact that I've been sober for this long.  I'm living life....fully alive.   I'm learning the true nature of living....fully alive.  I'm learning to feel, to see, to hear, to laugh and to cry.

I'm a miracle.