...on Helping Others

Letter to a friend: 

I can't begin to tell you how important and inspiring your message was to me this morning. I teared up when I read it and got my crazy thoughts back together. I sometimes wondered if I was blogging for nothing and if I even made any sense when I wrote my posts.   Times have been tough but I'm trying so hard to look at things in a different way now.  A sober way.   

As you probably know, I've tried to quit drinking several times since about 2007.    I'm not sure why it didn't work in the past.  Maybe I wasn't ready?  Maybe I didn't listen to the whispers that came my way?  Maybe the power of AA turned my life around? Maybe the book I read called "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer helped?  

All I know is that I was extremely exhausted!  My mind was exhausted with the thoughts that ran through it:

"Am I an alcoholic?  Do I really have a problem?  Why am I so tired all the time?  Do I have enough booZe to last me the night?  I can't wait till 3 pm...beer time?  Why am I so hungover?  Shit, I missed a whole Sunday cause I was stuck in bed and felt like shit. I need a drink to cure this hangover!  Frigg, I didn't sleep last night again!  I need to pop pills and drink lots of water before bed so I'm not too sick tomorrow. Where am I gonna hide this cold beer so I can have it without kids nagging me.  How am I going to hide the smell of beer coming from my breath?  What's with the damn bad under my eyes?  I'm aging fast eh?  I'm so tired.  I'm out of shape.  I'm bloated.  Shit, liquor store is closed tomorrow...gotta stock up.  Damn it, I can't drive there...in drinking. Can people tell I'm sick?  Why did I puke last night?  I didn't drink that much!  How did I get home?  Why am I broke?  I'm so thirsty...I need a cold beer to quench my thirst!  Is it noon somewhere? "

Anyhow, I'm sure you get it.   The point is I'm tired of the chatter!  I'm tired of feeling so guilty and shitty that I want to hide for a couple of days ...in a hole...and not come out.   I'm tired of aging because of alcohol....something I can actually stop taking if I really wanted to and reverse the signs of aging.  This is a fact.  I've had a couple of people come to me and tell me I look better than I have in years. ...asking me what I'm doing differently.    I tell them the truth. I quit drinking.  

I'm not sure how to explain this to you but I truly believe that we are all empowered to not drink.  I truly believe that once you decide to stop hurting yourself with booze, you are capable of doing it....stopping the hurt!   I learned so much from the book "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer.  He talks about the fact that we are not out minds. That was exactly what I needed to get my ass started on this journey!   I started listening to my mind and boy it was a shocker to realize that it never shuts up!

I had to change the way I reacted to my mind's chatter.  

Now....when my mind says, "Pick up a drink, you will feel better".   I reply.... "No I won't!  I may feel good for a couple hours but I'm not stupid.  I know how I'll feel tomorrow!"

When my mind says, "Stay in bed and workout tomorrow instead".  I reply,  "No I won't. I want to workout now because I know I'll feel better all day long."

I am not my mind. I am the "observer" of my mind.  I watch it chitter chatter and I don't listen to it anymore.   How?  I just realize that my mind will never be happy and that it will always want more more more.  And.... I have realized and know that I, my inner Being, has everything I need.... in abundance!! I believe that everything I need will be provided to me.

I know that I'm a better person and a lot more peaceful if I listen to my inner Being instead of listening to my mind.  That Being that knows stillness.  That Being that knows freedom.  That Being in me that wants peace and spirituality.   

When I first quit drinking this time around, I asked God to take away my burden.... The burden of my obsession with booze.  My views on God are different now than when I was a child.  I see God as a powerful energy in everything that surrounds me.    This energy lives in me.  It lives in the flowers.  It lives in the children I teach.  It lives in the sunshine, in the rain, in my dog, in a stranger.    

When I asked God to take my burden (the prayer is posted on my blog...see prayers on sidebar), He did!!   I don't know how to explain it!  

The excessive obsession with wanting to drink was gone!  This is the truth! 

Am I ready? Was I ready?  Yes!   I am ready to re-create my life....to re-create the person I am supposed to be!!  I can only go forward from here.....live in the moment....feel the moment.....embrace the moment.

When I look at everything around me and live in the present moment, I can hear God talk to me.... He's always whispering.  And now, my ears and heart are open to hearing and feeling all spiritual energy that comes my way.  

AA meetings help me because I am open to feeling and hearing the whispers.  I did go to a variety of meetings before I felt connected to some of the people there.  It takes time.  Some of them are friends and have been around the tables for a long time.  It's tough to come along and expect to just fit in.  I sat there for a long time before I decided to start chatting with anyone.  Honestly, I am connected to the meetings that have laughter and hope.  Some of them didn't have any of that so I don't go to those anymore.  I go to the ones where I can laugh, where I can hope and where I can trust.   Since I've been going (about 3 months now), I know who the regulars are. I feel safe. I walk around the tables, shake hands, or hug em all and welcome the newcomers coming in.  I've had people come to me and tell me they enjoyed what I say.   I guess I look at it this way: If I say one thing that can help one person around that table, then I'm serving a purpose.  God speaks through me to help others.  I think that's why I am an alcoholic sometimes.  I feel like I'm being called to help others.  

Imagine if one day you could help one person change her/his life around by telling them what you've learned during this "trying to get sober" journey!   That is what life is all about!!   Helping someone live life to the fullest!   Sharing your story in hopes to help one person find true freedom.

I'm sorry I'm rambling on so much and I hope I don't scare you away. I just feel so amazingly blessed to be on this journey. I feel so awesome!  And I want to pass this on to you!!  So much. 

That book's chapter on Death was an inspiration to me too...actually changed the way I look at everything! I'll write about that in another post.

Anyhow. I wish you the best my friend.   There is a way to finding your true spiritual path.  You just have to listen to the whispers.  Live each day to the fullest.  Surround yourself with people who love you and care for you.  And, most of all....love yourself.

I'm here anytime you want to chat!

Xo