...on Self-Pity

Don't worry.  I'm not feeling self-pity right now because I'm sober and blessed and feel like my little pink cloud is just sailing along.  I'm writing this post in order to help another alcoholic who is stuck in self-pity and cannot seem to take steps forward to get out of it.

I've been so worried about another AA member.  She is right there.  Stuck in self-pity.  She's struggling.  I've been there.  Often.  Funny thing is ... I'm just realizing where this place is....this place of feeling sorry for myself....this place of anger, resentments and fear.  When I was in this place a couple of weeks ago, I had no clue I was there.... in this place.... It took me a while to believe that I had the power to get out of this place.  But, I did it!  I eventually came to realize that I HAD to get out of this dark place, otherwise I would have picked up that first drink and found myself in the same place I've been in... for the past umpteen years.  Drunk.  Sick.  Tired.  Unhealthy, mentally and physically.

Self-pity gave me this false sense of comfort.  It obscured my views from reality.  And, I know that the longer I stayed there, the shittier I felt and the more I obsessed I became with my thoughts.  My thoughts and I don't mix well..  I forget that they are just thoughts.  They are not me.   If I listened to that voice in my head, I'd always be stuck in this dark place of self-pity and resentments.  I'd always dwell in self-pity.  The voices in my head are never happy.  Thanks to The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, I learned that I am not my thoughts.  I am the person inside of my body that sees the thoughts and feels the feelings.  I am more that the thoughts.  I am the spirit inside.  The observer.  I am the one who knows that everything she needs will be provided to her on a daily basis.  

My son has been dwelling in self-pity.  He's totally obsessed with the fact that I'm not rich and cannot buy him all the "stuff" he wants.  All his friends have all the xBox games in the world, iPads, basketball nets and they aren't bored like him.  He's angry with me.  He's angry because I can't buy him "stuff".  How do I make a 10 year old see that my love should be more than enough to fill his need for stuff?   Yeah.  I know.  It's gonna be difficult.  But, as I watched and listened to him this weekend, I realized that he's stuck there.  Stuck in self-pity.  Obsessed with this idea that we are poor.   He's stuck in his little head and boy oh boy, I hope he gets out of it soon.

How do we get out of this "Self-Pity trap?"

1.  Be aware of the Self-Pity trap
2.  Feel the feelings
3.  Accept the feelings
4.  Allow them to pass through our body
5.  Let the feelings go


First, I think we really have to come to a realization when we are in caught in a self-pity trap.  When we want to be alone and not reach out for help, we are feeling self-pity.  When we are feeling shitty or pissed off cause we don't get what we want, we are there.   When we are upset because we can't drink like many "normal" drinkers out there....we need to say.... "I'm feeling sorry for myself".  
Once I realize that I'm dwelling in Self-Pity, I can become aware of all the feelings that are attached to being there.  If I'm pissed off, I have to figure out why.  If I'm resentful, I have to figure out toward who.  I'f I'm sad, I ask myself questions to what is making me sad.  So, the second step is to "feel" the feelings and be aware of them.
Third thing to do once we feel the feelings is accept them.  We are human after all and we just have to realize that it's ok and normal to have these millions of feelings surround us on a daily basis.  It's uncomfortable for us alcoholics because we are not use to dealing with feelings.  We are use to drinking and numbing them.  We are use to hiding and forgetting about all the things going on in our lives.....even if it's just for a little while.  It was easier then, wasn't it....you know ... when we could drink to forget about all the bullshit?   Hell ya!  It was easier to have a good buzz on and forget about all the shit, even if it was just for a little while.   We have to be okay with being uncomfortable.   Life isn't always going to be "perfect".  We accept the feelings.  We are aware of them.  We let them pass through our body, our vessel.  
Then, we let go.....  We breathe, become aware of the feeling, "feel it" go through the body and let it go.  Surrender.  


We are really powerful human beings.  We have been given so many gifts.  We have the power to change our thoughts.  We have the power to "not" pick up a drink.  We have the power to be sober and healthy and free!!!  We have the choice to get up in the morning and live a life full of happiness, love and joy!   We have a choice to live in love or live in fear.  

Find your power.  Spread love.