I'm finding my way back to where I was a few weeks ago. Healthy. Happy. High on Life. I want it back and I'm going to fight till I get it.
I'm grateful today for being sober. Still sober. Thank you God! There is no doubt in my mind that my Higher Power worked for me during the last few weeks. Its been tough.
I'm not sure what is setting me off really. My life is good. I'm healthy. I have a great home. I have healthy kids. I have a great career.
I think I just forgot to be mindful. I forgot to focus on the breath and the calmness I have within. I have to bring my awareness back to myself...to my inner self again. I was self-sabotaging for the past few weeks. I've been covering up my fears with food, wanting a drink, chaos, TV, isolating. I got caught up in wanting more than what I have. More more more.....always wanting more.
I forgot to trust that there is a plan set out for me and I just have to stop trying to make everything fit the way I want it to fit.
I forgot to put my recovery first. I did nothing for three weeks. No daily reading. No meetings. No blogging. No meditating. No reaching out. I did nothing for my recovery. I thought I had it beat. I thought I was okay with just living.
Sober living doesn't work that way, does it? I've learned my lesson and I am forever so grateful for still being sober. I have to put these 3 things on my daily To-Do list:
1. I have to stay mindful. I have to stay in the present moment. I need to stop thinking of the past. I need to stop worrying about the future. They don't exist anymore. All I have is the present moment.
2. I have to give my will to God. I have to put my faith in my Higher Power's hands. I believe that everything that is put in my path is put there for a reason. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
3. I have to put my recovery first. Every single day! I have to read my Daily Reflections. I have to go to meetings. I have to connect with others, that are just like me. I have to blog. I have to remember where I'm coming from. I don't want to go back to those dark days of drinking, drinking, drinking.....
You also need to give yourself a break. But I agree with you... recovery and well being should come first. All the rest will follow. Don't be hard on yourself, we sometimes lose a grip but then we do find it. You will be back on track faster than you think.
ReplyDeleteThanks T and B
DeleteLove your support! ...and you're rocking it too....Don't lose focus girl!
Dear SM,
ReplyDeleteTime had good advice on not being too hard on yourself.
But I understand. We can't get complacent! Right now, I have to keep my recovery first. I find if I miss a meeting more than one week, or I don't read sober blogs, I feel disconnected. And also, you are helping other people at meetings and blogging!
There are times we do need to just relax, and not rush around like crazy.
You are doing so well!
Give yourself a giant pat on the back!!!
xo
Wendy
Hi Wendy,
DeleteMany people say that I'm too hard on myself. Honestly, I'm not sure what that means. I just want to be happy and serene and I feel like there's so much that needs to be done to get there.... know what I mean?
I'm learning to relax though....and just let things happen...that's for sure.
hugs
This happens to all of us from time to time. You get a case of the "fuck-its". What proves who we are is how we react.
ReplyDeleteYou, my friend, are a warrior.
Sherry
You are awesome! I hate it when I get the "fuck-its" It' so hard to turn them off..... argh!!!
Deletexo