As I sat in on an open speaker meeting at the conference during the weekend, one gentleman mentioned this and it hit home for me....
"The pink cloud disappears when life happens"
Life happens whether we like it or not, whether we are ready or not, whether we want it or not. When we learn that we can't control most of the shit that happens to us on a daily basis, we can learn acceptance. It's so easy to forget this. It's so easy to throw in the towel and say "Fuck it...I'm done".
But what are we saying "I'm done" for? Am I really done living? Am I done fighting for peace and happiness? Am I done being sober and free? Am I really done accepting? Why is it so easy to just throw in the towel and say "I'm done, I'm gonna drink my face off"?
It's easy.
It's just easy.
It's easy to pick up a drink and say I'm done. It's easy to "tune out" of life for a while. It's easy to numb the pain and the feelings and the chaos.... Lets' just drink for a few hours and forget about life. Easy...Isn't it.
But, life is still going to happen the next day..... and the next.... and the next.....
I almost threw in the towel. I wanted to just forget about life for one day....or two....or a week..... Now, you and I both know that I would have forgotten about life a lot longer than that!
I've been searching for my pink cloud for a couple of weeks. It's not around me anymore. Life is. I'm living it and facing it as hard as it is. I will get on that cloud again. I know it's there.... a few miles away, but it's coming back.
I'm learning to feel again. I'm learning to deal with my emotions, my anger, my fears, my resentments. I'm learning to live the life that I have. I'm grateful for my life, but sometimes it's just so damn hard to face it. I'm doing it sober.
Today, I'm going to accept my life and all that comes my way. ...because it is happening to me for a reason. I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.
I know exactly what you mean about needing to 'tune out' for a while. That need is never going to go away forever, so we need to find another way of doing it. My current method is to (whatever time of day it is), have a hot bath, put pj's on, and get into bed with a terrier and a large piece of cake. You need to allow yourself the time and space to tune out in whichever way works for you. Sending you hugs xxxx
ReplyDeleteI've been eating too much cake SM!
Delete:)
Learning how to tune out, sober, is not always easy and I can see why people revert to their old ways of drinking. I was almost there and I'm so friggen happy and excited that I rode that wave.
xo
Ooops...guess I should have read this post first. You ARE exactly where you are supposed to be and you're feeling things we've all felt from time to time. But you're worth all the effort it takes to handle life head on.
ReplyDeleteAnd I believe in you.
Sherry
Sherry!
DeleteSometimes, I think you believe in me more than I believe in me. I love you for that!
I know I'm worth the fight and I'm not gonna quit fighting.
xo
Hugs!
ReplyDeletexo
Wendy
Have a super sober day Wendy!
Deletexo