When I first decided to quit drinking, I promised myself that I'd make it to day 30. Now that I'm passed my goal, I wonder if my mind is trying to convince me that I'm okay to drink now. I've made it and have nothing left to prove kinda thing....
I'll have to admit that loneliness is hitting home. I don't have a lot of friends as it is, being a busy single mom and all. Most of my co-workers are married. My two drinking buds are just that....drinking buds... which kinda leaves me feeling lonely and vulnerable.
My bills are creeping up on me. I have electric heat and this winter has taken a toll on this house. My bill yesterday for one month was $415! Not joking!
My ex wants to get back together. I've been thinking about it. Now, that I've discovered a lot about myself and found a new sense of peace and serenity, I think I'm more capable of loving him again.... I think.
Tuesday night is my only night off....no kids' sports or dance....no other commitments....it use to be my drinking ....I don't have to go anywhere.....night....
I was thirsty for something cold and really felt like just being numb for a couple of hours....to stop thinking....
I've been eating like shit, two chocolate bars in two days...and I mean big ones..... piss me off!
I feel exhausted and can't seem to get a good, full night sleep.
Gosh! Now that I see my triggers in black and white, I can easily see why my day was off! Thank God for buttered popcorn and tea. Thank God I made it to bedtime.....sober.
I'm glad you got through it. These bad old lonely craving moments come and go, but they sure do suck when they happen. Congrats to you on another sober day! xo
ReplyDeleteSo glad you made it past the ugly cravings. You're right though - it IS your brain lying to you. What always amazes me is what a GOOD liar my brain is!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, looking at your list I can also see why you were tempted! But you were stronger than the shit and you won.
Congrats!
Sherry