Soberly Excited!

I must say...I'm feeling pretty darn good right now.   I've completed 10 days of sobriety and to be honest it's been nothing compared to the last umpteen times I quit.  I feel different this time....almost like I am ready....like it was all meant to fall into place for me so that this year is my year to change my life around.

I not only quit drinking, but I've changed my eating lifestyle and I started running again.  I haven't ran since April 2012, almost 2 years ago.  Way back then, I was participating in races and winning medals.  That is back on my to-do list for this year.  I'm already able to run up to 5 miles!

I'm not only working on my body, I'm working on my mind.  Reading up on mindfulness is quite an experience, especially when you apply some of the basics of it to your life.  Maybe being sober has made my mind a little more clear to see all the things I would have missed.   I love watching my kids and listening.... I sometimes just sit back and watch,....and listen.....and live in the moment.  I love watching their innocence and their smiles....  so precious.....so loving......Practicing mindfulness is a habit I could get use to.  I haven't been able to meditate yet.  I'm working on it.  Sitting quietly for a while kinda scares me.  I think too much.... but that is something I want to change too....

I've been having crazy awesome dreams.  I actually dreamt that I was drinking last night.  I was at my bachelorette party and everyone was feeding me booze...and I drank.  That wasn't the awesome dream.  I woke up.  When I fell back asleep, I dreamt of my memere.  She passed a few years ago, but the dream was so real, like I was really in her house again.  She loved to hoard things and her house was always cluttered with "stuff".   She was having a treasure hunt in her house for a special prize.  There were all kinds of people there searching for a prize and nobody knew what they were looking for.   I found a few old decorated boxed of pictures at the top of her closet and went through them, looking for the prize.  I found pictures of me as a kid....with my family....pictures of my sisters, my aunts.... I found letters that I wrote to her (which I never got to do...this was a dream...remember).  I spent a few minutes going through the boxes and an amazing sense of peace and serenity came over me..... just knowing she kept all this stuff in her closet.  We all seemed so happy.  Like a perfect family, kinda happy.

My memere had a tough life.  My pepere was an alcoholic and he was a little abusive toward her I think.   She always wanted the best for me.  I know she'd be proud and I have this great feeling that she's watching over me.  I think it's time that I write her a letter....